I need Mary Poppins' carpet bag

I've hit week 34 of the pregnancy now and I'm starting to get really excited to meet Tricky. What will he look like? Will he be cute? Of course he'll be cute to me, but I will be ever so slightly biased since he is my spawn.

According to all the books (yes I've read ALL of them – the staff at my local library know me by name now) now is the time to get your hospital bag ready to go! Many people have been caught out with bub arriving earlier than expected so the general consensus is to be mostly packed around now. So the all-knowing books and websites have lists of what to take with you – and apparently they all think I'm going to be thousands of kilometres away from home for a few months because the amount of CRAP they want me to pack is ridiculous!

Apart from some real gems like differentiating between 'day clothes' and a special 'going home outfit' for yourself (who says I will get out my PJ's anyway?) they also recommend water spritzers to keep you cool, a hair-dryer (uh, slightly busy with an infant), thank you cards (again, slightly busy), and the entire back catalogue of Celine Dion (you want me to be suicidal?).

I've always been a fantastic packer for holidays; one overnight bag can last me a week simply because I don't like waiting at luggage carousels for a bag that may very well be on its way to Greenland. So I thought packing for these few days would be easy too. Wrong.

For starters my dressing gown (which I'll be wearing a lot since that bit about not getting out of my PJ's is pretty close to the truth) whilst so soft, fluffy and lovely is HUGE and takes up half the space already! Is it bad form to turn up at the delivery suite wearing it just because I can't fit it in the bag? I don't want to be one of those women who take eight pieces of matching luggage and then only open two things, but I am NOT going without my dressing gown. The standard underwear and toiletries don't take up too much room so the next big hurdle is the breast and maternity pads – those things are massive and take up much more space than I had imagined - valuable dressing gown space I might add. I know I can unpack the bag as soon as we get there but I might be slightly busy swearing my head off and announcing loudly that this is all Hubby's fault.

Luckily the hospital I'm going to provides everything for Tricky so all I need to take for him is a 'going home outfit' so that I don't steal their precious singlets. For him I've chosen a cute little polka dot number (given to me in February as a very early baby shower present from a friend going overseas) for two reasons; firstly that it is super cute and says “I'm new here” and secondly because it is size 0000 and Tricky is expected to be a bit of heifer and might only fit in to it for a few days.

So the bag is mostly packed except for the few things we'll have to grab on the way out the door (like the camera - for photos AFTER the main event, not during) and sits pride of place in the bedroom near the door. I'm sure in the coming weeks it will be packed and unpacked numerous times and the nesting urge increases (I've already cleaned the bath twice this week), and that just makes me think I'll leave something out in one of the re-packs and will have to check it all again when in labour! With severe mumnesia I'm sure to forget something too!