Gettin the girls out

Boobs. The second you have a baby those glorious mammary glands are no longer yours. Whether they're big or small, been your best asset and used to obtain free drinks every Friday night in Northbridge or your worst enemy, getting in the way and causing nothing but trouble it doesn't matter. Because as of that moment they are there solely to feed this creature you have created. Tricky's paediatrician put it best when he said “they're not just for sticking in a bikini anymore.”

I'm still new at this breastfeeding business and wasn't too sure I was doing it correctly even though all the midwives said he was 'latching on' perfectly... because it really hurt! You see, it's not meant to be painful if you do properly... but one of the midwives explained that when you're not used to it and learning, it can hurt even when you're doing it textbook perfectly. Her actual words were: “Well you've never had a vacuum attached to your nipple ten times a day before.” It took all my resolve not to reply “As kinky as I am, you're right, I only ever get the old Hoover on the nipples twice a day maximum.”

I've always been rather well endowed in the chest region and was not really looking forward to finding out just how big those suckers would get when my milk came in. On day three I went to bed looking quite normal only to wake up on day four looking like a porn star. Oh my! Up until now the midwives had been asking if my milk had come in or if I felt like it was coming in... they stopped asking - the enormous melons bursting out of my top spoke for themselves. Even Hubby had trouble looking at my face that day. I told him I felt like a cow to which he replied, “Don't be stupid, cows only get milked once a day.” Thanks, I'm feeling the love.

So one week on Tricky and I definitely seem to be getting the hang of it and the pain is almost gone. But as much as I am all for the right of women to breastfeed in public I don't think I'll be joining that club any time soon because I'm not quite at the discreet stage yet... it's nipples akimbo right now and I can't do anything else whilst feeding but sit there and watch tele. When it becomes second nature though, you better watch out – the girls will be featuring at a coffee shop or shopping centre near you!