Recently Aunty Penny has been dipping her toe in the dating pool... actually dive-bombing in to the deep end is probably a better metaphor.
Because she is muchstupider braver than I am, she's even gone on a few blind dates.
I don't even know how blind dates work. Is it like the movies where the man carries a folded newspaper and the woman wears a yellow ribbon in her hair? I must remember to ask Aunty Penny if she has ribbons.
So each time one of these blessed events have occurred, for safety, Aunty Penny has emailed me the information of the bloke she's about to meet. You know, so I can point the police in the right direction if she goes missing. And always, at the bottom of the email is "Use my bridesmaid photo".
Yes, we have arranged what photo to give to the media in case she goes missing.
This isn't a new thing. Oh no, not at all. We've discussed this for years. In the event of one of us going missing the best, most prettiest photo of us will be used - under the belief that the amount of effort put in to searching for someone is directly proportional to how attractive they are.
This idiosyncrasy, this quirk, is just us. We are a little bit strange.
But I don't think it's bad to talk about things like this, and the pretty photo instructions are just a nice way of lightening the mood when you're talking about awful things like going missing.
We are very open when it comes to our family policies. Some people would say it's morbid that we have a prearranged "Switch Me Off" policy if one of us is ever on life support and we already know that at my Mum's funeral the main song will be "I Still Call Australia Home" by Peter Allan and the rest of the songs will all be John Farnham numbers - if the group isn't up and bopping by the end of it, then a little bit of Cher should fix that.
But I like it. I find comfort in the ability to control one tiny little bit of the uncontrollable.
Does your family have any policies? Or am I the only weird one?
Because she is much
I don't even know how blind dates work. Is it like the movies where the man carries a folded newspaper and the woman wears a yellow ribbon in her hair? I must remember to ask Aunty Penny if she has ribbons.
So each time one of these blessed events have occurred, for safety, Aunty Penny has emailed me the information of the bloke she's about to meet. You know, so I can point the police in the right direction if she goes missing. And always, at the bottom of the email is "Use my bridesmaid photo".
Yes, we have arranged what photo to give to the media in case she goes missing.
This isn't a new thing. Oh no, not at all. We've discussed this for years. In the event of one of us going missing the best, most prettiest photo of us will be used - under the belief that the amount of effort put in to searching for someone is directly proportional to how attractive they are.
This idiosyncrasy, this quirk, is just us. We are a little bit strange.
But I don't think it's bad to talk about things like this, and the pretty photo instructions are just a nice way of lightening the mood when you're talking about awful things like going missing.
We are very open when it comes to our family policies. Some people would say it's morbid that we have a prearranged "Switch Me Off" policy if one of us is ever on life support and we already know that at my Mum's funeral the main song will be "I Still Call Australia Home" by Peter Allan and the rest of the songs will all be John Farnham numbers - if the group isn't up and bopping by the end of it, then a little bit of Cher should fix that.
But I like it. I find comfort in the ability to control one tiny little bit of the uncontrollable.
Does your family have any policies? Or am I the only weird one?
