'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung at the end of each bed,
When Glowless had a visit from her old friend, Red.
Red! You're here! Who invited you?,
You've snuck up on me right out of the blue.
I knew you'd be back but just not today,
I was only expecting Santa, his reindeer and sleigh.
It's been fifteen long months since you went for a wander,
And the absence didn't make my heart grow any fonder,
Of the bloating and cramping and the ever present pain,
Plus the chocolate cravings are simply insane.
So off to the servo Map Guy and I drove,
To find it was a proverbial treasure trove.
Everything from milk to batteries and socks,
But all I needed was one little box.
I hunted the aisles like a woman possessed,
To find some items that could help my 'guest',
I passed the Pringles and the chocolate Magnums,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung at the end of each bed,
When Glowless had a visit from her old friend, Red.
Red! You're here! Who invited you?,
You've snuck up on me right out of the blue.
I knew you'd be back but just not today,
I was only expecting Santa, his reindeer and sleigh.
It's been fifteen long months since you went for a wander,
And the absence didn't make my heart grow any fonder,
Of the bloating and cramping and the ever present pain,
Plus the chocolate cravings are simply insane.
So off to the servo Map Guy and I drove,
To find it was a proverbial treasure trove.
Everything from milk to batteries and socks,
But all I needed was one little box.
I hunted the aisles like a woman possessed,
To find some items that could help my 'guest',
I passed the Pringles and the chocolate Magnums,
Even old Chisel and Farnsy albums.
There they are! What? They're nine dollars fifty?
That's a lot to pay for someone so thrifty!
I wanted to rant and cause a big stink,
But I didn't, I just paid, and the clerk gave me a wink*.
I returned to the car with my package in hand,
Another festive hiccup I'd have to withstand,
Why tonight, Red? Your timing's just shocking,
I'd rather a bracelet in my Christmas stocking.
I looked up at the moon, a bright silver crescent,
And reflected on my first Christmas present,
I don't like you much, you're annoying and icky,
But without you, Red, I wouldn't have Tricky.
* Seriously, the guy who served me actually winked. I could understand winking if I was buying condoms, but c'mon, pads?!
