10 Reasons Why I Don't Read Your Blog

I had a really nice post to go out today. It involved cheesecake and was so lovely you would have been drooling on your keyboards. But last night as I lay in bed hacking up my left lung and throwing up I got cranky I had to write so I whipped out the iPad and stabbed away at the screen and this is the result.

This is the first in a series of "why I don't" posts. I'm about to get my snark on so sit back and relax and enjoy the ranty pants.

 

10 Reasons Why I Don't Read Your Blog

1. You have no idea how to use spell check. Sure we're all guilty of a few your/you're slip ups but come on. In most cases it's an automatic feature - how can you put up with squiggly red lines everywhere? And don't say it's part of your charm, it's not at all charming. Charming things are cute little graphics, lovely posts that make you go all gooey and anything in relation to George Clooney.

2. You have no idea of the basic rules of grammar. Use a full stop and a capital letter for once, for the love of Google! Even a lowly comma would be appreciated. For more information see point #1.

3. Your return key appears to be broken. They say the eye likes space so once in a while, how about starting a new paragraph. If your return key truly is broken use the HTML code for breaks.

4. You have almost zero original content. I read a LOT of blogs, my reader is an unforgiving mistress who must be obeyed. Chances are I read the blog you're stealing from. It's OK to be inspired by someone and link them, and sometimes we are all talking about the same thing... But when it happens over and over again? Nup, no thanks. I just get cranky.

5. You rehash press releases word for word. Every PR's dream is for their press release to appear "in the wild" verbatim... and you're doing it for free. I know it's a copy/paste job because I got the same press release and all of a sudden you're not breaking rules 1-4. I want to know what you think, I want a review and regurgitating someone else's work is not a review, that's an ad. If I wanted to see an ad I'd look in your side bar.

6. Your RSS feed is knackered. I do the majority of my reading at night in bed in an effort to keep my chronic insomniac brain somewhat entertained. If I can't see your full post (none of this partial feed crap) then I won't know you have a new post up.

7. You're not on Twitter. If I don't read through my Flipboard I click through from Twitter. If the thought of joining the addictive Twittersphere sends shivers up your spine, then at least add social media buttons to each post so other people can easily tweet it.

8. You tell me about your day like it's a shopping list. Tell me a story!!! Tell me your feelings, invite me in to your world. "We went to the park. There was a big dog there. So we left." If it seems like a kid's book that would have Tricky's eyes glazing over then I'll click away.

9. Your side bar is really messy. I'm a simple girl and I like clean lines. Learn the HTML code for centering so when you grab someone's button you can line them up neatly. This plays havoc with my OCD and if your side bar is super messy I will never click on it. Never clicking = no cash for you.

10. Your words are written straight on to a background image that means I can barely see them save for one tiny little bit at the top of the screen. Now I'm sure your background image of your child is lovely but if I have to scroll for every three lines then I'm going to click away.

There you have it. Stay tuned for 'Why I don't follow you on Twitter' and 'Why I don't comment on your blog' in which I let out my inner bitch.

Why don't you read a blog?