I'll preface this by saying in the last 15 years I have gone from a size 10 up to a size 18, and now I'm pretty much a 14 (unless you count the three things I own that are a 12 which are probably just mislabeled) and in that time I have committed many fashion sins. Such as *ahem* this. But it just wouldn't be a rant if there wasn't an air of hypocrisy now would there?
10 Reasons Why I Don't Like Your Outfit
1. Your shorts are so short your bum cheeks are not covered. Now I really cannot stress this enough, if I can see your cheeks, then you are not actually wearing pants, you're wearing denim underwear. Also if your pockets are longer than your shorts it kinda looks like you have a piece of toilet paper stuck to you... not the best look.
2. You have DD breasts and are obviously wearing a C cup bra which has effectively cut your norks in half giving the impression that you now have four. The multiple boob look should only be attempted by that one girl in Total Recall - you know the one.
3. You look amazing in something I tried on and looked like a Christmas Ham in. OK, I admit, this one is just based in pure, unadulterated jealousy.
4. I can see your labia. Girls, you may have amazing legs from here to tomorrow and love showing them off but if your skirt could be mistaken for a belt then I think you need to put something else on. What do you do if you need to pick something up off the floor? No really, I have no idea how you can possibly do it without chucking a Brittney Spears.
5. You have a dark bra on under a light shirt. You are not Carrie Bradshaw! For the record I thought she looked crap when she did it too.
6. Leggings as pants. Enough said.
7. You dress for the size you want to be not the size you actually are. In other words, muffin tops, back fat and bulges or shapeless tents. There are amazing clothes out there for people of all shapes and sizes, though sadly sometimes they are hard to find (ask Nikki at Styling You, she'll help you no matter what your size).
8. I can see three inches of bum crack and/or underwear. Do you have a plumbers license? No? Then pull your god damn pants up!
9. You are covered in the insignia of a team you've never actually seen play, from a country you've never visited and a city you could barely place on a map.
10. You are wearing clothes that could easily lead to any number of passers by mistaking you for an exotic dancer... and you're only fifteen. Now you might think that my recent birthday means I've ticked over in to the fuddy duddy category but you'd be wrong - I've been in that group for a long time already,. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!
What makes you think an outfit is horrible?
