The last time I went to the dentist I was 146 weeks pregnant and the hygienist looked distinctly worried I was going to give birth there and then. I was having a widsom tooth removed and was wondering what was going to be more painful, this or squeezing a child out of my vag. For the record, child birth hurt more but I got a cute baby afterwards - after my extraction all I got was a bloody tooth in a jar and a jaw ache.
My teeth have been feeling a little extra sensitive lately and I had a mild toothache the other night. I needed to bite the bullet (but not hard enough to break a tooth) and actually see a dentist. Knowing I would never have the guts to book in myself, Map Guy rang up and made an appointment then let me know when it was (thanks, MG!).
This morning I rocked up and I was instantly transported to back to my school days and a Catholic confessional. I wasn't sure if I was meant to bless myself or not, but I had to tell them my "sins". And my sin is a shocker: for 12 of the last 17 weeks I've barely brushed my teeth.
Yes, let's just sit with that feral thought for a moment, shall we? Rank.
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| ARGH! All the pointy things! |
The thing is, putting anything in my mouth would make me spew. And you get no points for making blow job jokes here, because I've already made them all. Maturity, I haz it. So the toothbrush would come out twice a day and get a mere flick over the teeth until such point that I gagged. Usually around the 10 second mark. Not exactly what you'd call good oral hygiene.
You don't get absolution from a dentist for your oral hygiene sins. Instead, you get reminder that dental floss was invented for a reason and two tiny little fillings.
Or at least I will when I go back to get them in a few weeks time (already booked the appointment, now I just have to not cancel it).
I was also told I brush my teeth way too hard and am brushing off the enamel. I didn't even know that was possible! It's not bad, but if I want it fixed now before it gets worse it'll cost a cool grand... and THAT hurts way more than any dental work.
Are you afraid of the dentist? Do you feel like a dick wearing a bib or do you just pretend you're at a lobster restaurant?
