19 Resolutions for 2019

I haven't done any New Year's Resolutions for what seems like forever. Nothing official, anyway. There's always the same ol' "do better" bullshit that lasts a few days, but I'm going to toy with the idea of writing shit down to see if it magically keeps me accountable.

But my Resolutions are not going to be the type that shame the current me (or you, which I ridiculously have to say because INTERNET - just because I'm saying I want to do something doesn't mean I'm automatically judging you for NOT wanting to do it. OK? Are we clear? Because the hate mail that comes with a blog is a HUGE reason why I don't update this very much).

So, where was I? Ah, yes. Resolutions. Things to hopefully tick off as another year zooms by.

19 Resolutions for 2019

1. Stream of Consciousness Journaling
I have done this before years ago and recently restarted after a little mini yoga retreat. It was confronting, cathartic and empowering. Setting the clock for ten minutes and just writing out all the rubbish in my head.

2. Weekly Scheduling
It is boring AF but I want a washing day. A clean sheet day. I want it all planned out and I want to tackle it in a no excuses way. We have sports days and library days already, so it isn't a lofty goal. The issue is my champion procrastination skills getting in the way. A super pretty calendar will help, yeah?

3. Meditate and Breathe
I've been using Headspace and Kardia a little bit over the last few months and I want this to continue but in a more regular fashion. I introduced it to my little stresshead Tricky, too, so perhaps we can set aside time each week to do it together. With Bobbin in full time school in 2019 (wait, what?) I can do it solo too.

4. Yoga
I have dipped in and out of the Yoga pool over the years, doing it through pregnancies and in between, and always found that because I'm so bendy I tend to overstretch to feel anything. So I'd like to start doing Yoga, even if it's just joining in with the Cosmic Kids Yoga I make Tricky and Bobbin do, and listen more to my body as it is happening. Don't over do it just because I can.

5. Martial Arts
I have been doing Freestyle Martial Arts for 18 months now. Woah. Did anyone think I'd stay at it this long!? Not I! I had a few months off with a torn calf muscle (OUCH!) that saw me on crutches and off to physio for a while, and I'm out right now with torn ankle ligaments but I am aiming for my green belt this year. The belt is more psychological for me than anything because I still don't feel like I deserve to be a blue. I'm not a great blue belt, but I have passed every test to get there and train twice a week, yet I can't shake this imposter syndrome. Not giving up, training harder... that's gotta help, right?

6. Buy Less Shit
I'm a frugal gal by nature. I don't buy expensive clothes or shoes (my sandals are seven years old), because I'm just not in to fashion. I can look at the beautiful people and appreciate their aesthetic, double tap to like their frock, but I generally don't go out and buy it. I find it such a waste of money. My downfall is cheap shit. Bargains that I don't need. I'm aiming to make more conscious spending choices this year, which may end up meaning the things I do buy are more expensive but higher quality and will last.

7. De Clutter
I haven't gone through the kids' wardrobes since we moved house. Bobbin has a bunch of crop tops that look on trend, but are actually just two sizes too small. Getting to this before winter is a must.

8. Organise The Garage
There isn't too much in the way of storage in our house and that's a good thing because it means less crap. We have had to be ruthless and I love that we don't have as much "stuff" anymore. I've added a little storage; some shelves here, a hook there, but I want to tackle the garage. I need shelving for the long term no touch items - like Christmas decorations, seven years of tax receipts and that sort of thing. I have a drill and I'm not afraid to use it. It will be done. There will much Instagramming of me holding said drill.

9. Sleep
I let y'all know that I had a sleep study recently and the results were absolutely atrocious. Well, the good news is I've got a sleep apnoea machine now. My Continuous Positive Airway Pressure or CPAP machine sits next to my bed and I am vowing to use it every night. The only night I have missed so far was when I didn't actually go to bed, so that doesn't count. I have so much more energy, and my circadian rhythms are even starting to even out. I do have about twenty years of sleep debt to catch up on, so I'm still a little bit tired, but waking up feeling refreshed is EARTH SHATTERING AMAZING. After the first night I said to MapGuy "I can see in colour now" and I meant it. Everything is brighter. I am hoping it continues to improve from here too. I'm still embarrassed, but I need to keep going.

10. Get Closer To Nature 
The past twelve months I've been booking the kids in to nature camps and trying to facilitate their love and respect for the environment and as a result it has encouraged MapGuy and I even more. We've always been big recyclers, but now we are better recyclers (making trips to the local recycling centre to take all those things that don't go in the general recycling bin), have two thriving worm farms, and of course the beloved Spiny Leaf Insects. But I want more! I really want to head out to the lake more often, to cycle around it and just see what is there; how it changes over the seasons. Visit the beach and watch the sunset just because. The kids play outside a lot, but I'm always inside. I need to get out.

11. Less Phone Time
I have my head buried in my phone too much. I use it as a distraction tool when I'm feeling overwhelmed, which is fine, but then it becomes habit to pick it up. Randomly scrolling through Facebook turns in to clicking an article, then another, and another. Looking at Instagram is no big deal... but then I'll log on to my work accounts to check them and get distracted doing work things when I should be present in the moment. My phone is usually always on silent and most notifications are off - only text messages get through, so I just have to PUT IT DOWN.

12. New Pet
I don't know if this really counts as a resolution, but I definitely want it to happen! I have had my eye on a new pet for about twelve months. It's a Bearded Dragon. They are the cutest little things and I was lucky enough to hold one recently and it absolutely cemented my love. They are cute and quirky, which puts it right up my alley. I have to get a license, so that is the first step. It's pretty down there in terms of priorities, so if it doesn't happen it won't be awful, but it is on the list.

13. Finish The Home Office
Our master bedroom in the new house is a big one with a small walk in robe, so to better use the space we added a wall of wardrobes and I've turned the walk in robe in to a little office. I have a desk and some drawers, plus some organizational tubs just crying out for new stationery, heh.

14. Become More Active In The Buy Nothing Community
I'm an admin on my local Buy Nothing page because I love the concept so much. Making community bonds stronger while clearing my house of unused bits and pieces. Win win! I want to put more things on the page to give away after the big de-clutter works.

15. Go To The Dentist
It's been a few years. Oops. With all the dental work MapGuy needed after his bike crash, then finding out this year that after zero issues with his baby teeth that Tricky's adult teeth are coming in without enamel and will need ongoing work (and has already been under GA to have a crown to stop any further deterioration of one tooth, the poor thing), I put myself on the back burner. Because mum life amiright? I WILL GO THIS YEAR. Just as soon as I save some money.

16. Eat Less Meat
I'm not becoming vegetarian by any stretch of the imagination, but eating less meat is great for the environment so I want to do that. We generally try for Meatless Monday, but I think we need to throw in a few extras, too. I'm not the head chef here, so this suggestion was MG's as he's the one who will be doing it. I am boring with food and he likes it a little more exotic, so he cooks!

17. Shout Less
I am a shouter, I admit. I can keep my cool, and very nicely discipline my children most of the time, but at least once a day I can get a bit shouty. I parent a lot with sarcasm, which is probably not fabulous either, but let's focus on one thing at a time. I'm hoping the meditation can help with this, and the CPAP machine is already helping because a tired Glow is a shouty Glow. I went to a parenting seminar last year and it was very reaffirming in that I'm doing a pretty good job in the non-shouty times.

18. Eat More Mindfully
I'm not going to promise myself to eat less sugar or carbs, or just less food, because hello it's me. I did give up sugar once and the results were fab, but food is also a huge tool for me when I'm stressed so just saying I won't eat xyz anymore is not an option. I want to eat more mindfully though. Recognize when I'm stress-eating or binge-eating and instead of beating myself up, perhaps bring in a more appropriate coping mechanism. A bad day will end in me eating an entire block of chocolate, so this year I'd like to have a bit of chocolate, then stop, recognize the thoughts, whip out the journal, flick on the meditation app, have a bath, do something other than finish the entire block. Even if that means only having half that will be a win.

19. Cycle More
We are so lucky to live less than 2km from the kid's school and whilst we can't cycle every day due to needing to go straight from school to sport after school, but we can do it twice a week and I'd really like to make that a priority. Tricky rides his bike all around the suburb to his friends' houses but Bobbin is too young to go out solo, so I need to lift my game and go with her either on the bike or the scooter.

So there we have it. 19 for 2019. It's a challenge but also very doable. I figure if I can get through the shit of the past few years then I can get through at least some of the things well, and maybe even half arse the rest.

Do you make resolutions?

Names on bank accounts don't matter. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.

I have a story to tell you. It's been twelve months in the making because it's taken me this long to get over the trauma.

A combination of time and my go to coping mechanism of humour means I can now make bad jokes about it, but I can tell you at the time I was rocking in the corner.

Lemme take you back to December 2017...

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They say buying a house is one of the most stressful life events and I can 100% confirm this.

We had been looking at houses on and off in our preferred high school catchment. Our record was 13 houses in one day, expertly scheduled by MapGuy. We were having a weekend off looking while we did some Christmassy things and checked out Santa's Enchanted Wardrobe. Spoiler: it was Narnia and it was awesome. While we waited for the kids to finish the last of their play, MapGuy was checking his phone and saw a house in the suburb we were eyeing off was having its first home open... if we left now, with a 25 minute drive, we could get there five minutes before it closed.

Lock and load, baby, let's do it.

We got there and raced in. We liked what we saw. It ticked a lot of boxes. Great, quiet street. Close to public transport. A bit of yard. Four bedrooms. Modern (after renovating we didn't want to do it again!). It was 1.5km from the primary school and 1km from the high school we wanted the kids to go to. It was small and didn't have a pool - tick, tick and tick. We don't like giant houses where you might not see each other for days, and we didn't want a pool because of the hassle and expense, but, you know, feel free to invite me to yours.

A few days later after double checking finance we put an offer in and the agent was pretty dismissive of it, thinking it too low (well duh, it's her job to get them the highest price) but rang back that night to say it had been accepted. That was twelve months ago this week.

It was time to get the finance locked down. This is where shit gets cray. Try to keep up.

My parents had sold us our previous house (they had built it in the 1970s and I grew up in it - you should click this for super cute pictures of Bubba Glow) and our loan was through them. We had about $100k left owing to them. They had just sold their investment property and their home was on the market getting ready for their new house that they'd move to in the new year. So they had a chunk of cash sitting in the bank and my Dad offered to loan us $50k to put a deposit on the house, go toward all the fees, and to get us over the line with the bank loan that wouldn't quite cover the cost of this house we wanted. He'd be repaid the full original loan plus the new loan on the sale of our house, which was expected to be (and was) in early Feb.

With me?

So I told my Dad our bank details and he set about transferring a head spinning FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS to us for this super short term loan.

The transfer should have been pretty quick, but the money wasn't showing up no matter how many times I refreshed.

So we double checked the account number.

You guessed it.

I told him the wrong number.

I was out by one digit.

I can honestly say I have never felt such terror.

My mind started to spin, the room grew dark and I fought off fainting. I could feel my body flush with adrenaline. I retched over and over, standing in my kitchen with my Dad as he too was processing that he'd possibly just transferred a shit tonne of money to a stranger.

I fell to the floor and struggled for air. It was all very dramatic and if I'd started beating my chest no one would have been surprised.

Tricky and Bobbin, had come running on hearing the commotion, and asked what was wrong.

I tried so hard to hold it together.

"I've just lost some of Pop's money so I'm a bit upset."

Bobbin ran off somewhere and Tricky rubbed my back reassuringly and said as many comforting things as he could think of as I sat on the ground with a few tears down my running down my cheeks.

Bobbin came back and handed me the 20c she had gotten earlier in the week.

"Here, Mum, you can have this."

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Yep. All the ugly crying you can imagine. I cried so loud I scared them.

My Dad was holding it together, saying it would be OK, but I could see from the tension in his jaw that he was pissed. And rightly so.

It was past 5pm so I couldn't contact the bank. Even the emergency numbers couldn't help me at all. I texted my bestie and let her know what happened, needing to share the burden with someone. She rang me back immediately (possibly our second ever phone conversation since we are text peeps) and all I could do was sob in to her ear. She spoke quickly but calmly, saying that she was going to put her husband on as he's an accountant.

He reassured me the likelihood of the number being an actual account was super low. He told me all the times that people write down the wrong number on a form, or key it in wrong, and it bounces back after a day or two. Even with garbled replies between sobs, he kept repeating how it was so extremely unlikely that it would go through. And it is unlikely. I'm told the way accounts are set up they generally don't have consecutive numbers, so getting the final digit wrong by one like I did, should be cool in most cases.

There was much crying and wailing over how stupid I was, but this is already going to be a huge story so I'll fast forward to the next morning.

At 5am I rang my east coast Bank #1 to find out what I could do from this end. I needed to know if it was a real account or if the money would ping back like it does 99% of the time. For privacy reasons they couldn't tell me anything and much to their credit they listened to me cry about it. On hearing how much money it involved the person on the phone asked me to tell her the number that had been entered accidentally. She typed it in and I'll never forget what she said:

"Privacy laws prevent me from telling you if this is an account... but I'd get Bank #2 to stop payment IMMEDIATELY if I were you."

Cue breakdown in 3, 2, 1...

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I rang Bank #2 (my Dad had been doing the same thing over at his place) to be informed that that I couldn't speak to anyone in the Accidental Idiotic Internet Transfers Department because they had closed for the Christmas break, but would I like them to call me back on the 6th of January?

The most awful noise I've ever heard escaped my lips and I started to violently shake again. The person on the phone tried to reassure me that it was illegal to spend money accidentally put in an account to which I strangled out between sobs "that.... never.... stopped..... anyone..... beforreeeeeeeeee" at which point I successfully became his weirdest phone client ever.

All I could think was that someone would get a nice $50k bonus in their bank account, withdraw it all, spend up big and we'd spend years trying to get it back and end up with a random $2 a week pay back scheme set up by the court.

Every person I spoke to was genuinely trying to help, but no one could. One even called me back later just to check on me. Which OF COURSE meant I cried some more.

At the same time that this was happening, our loan had not yet been approved because most of the staff at Bank #3 (there are four banks in this story) had gone on leave already and it hadn't even been marked as received yet. The days were ticking away and the day to have finance sorted by was zooming toward us. We had an emergency meeting with our broker who advised us to put in a brand new application with Bank #4 because it was obvious that Bank #3 just didn't give a shit at this time of year.

Thank fuck for that because Bank #4 got on it right away and we had pre-approval in hours and full approval in a day... but without that $50k, we wouldn't be able to do anything.

Insanely, my Dad had another $50k in the bank (if you remember from up the top he'd just sold his house and wasn't buying the new one until Feb, so he had a super healthy bank account for a while there) and said he'd transfer it over.

At this point Bank #2 called me and said "the money has gone in!!". Is that not the best customer service? He'd been monitoring the account, probably out of morbid curiosity. At which point I had to explain it was a different $50k and he no doubt went away mumbling about rich people problems.

Because who has $100,000 that they can just transfer around willy nilly? Usually we don't, it was just this random set of circumstances that meant we did.

I spent my birthday in a pit of despair. I was helping ticket sales for a school function and even pay pass transactions made me nervous. If there was a way for it to go wrong, I'd find it! I would over charge people. Or refund people that weren't meant to be. You name it, if it was bad, I was thinking it.

I was responsible for losing more money than I had ever contemplated. And it wasn't even my money to lose. I'd lost my Dad's money. I forced myself to put on a brave face for the most part, and threw myself in to advent activities for the kids.

The next week I had to transfer money to a friend and I had a genuine trauma reaction when putting the numbers in. Nauseated and trembling I quadruple checked, then quadruple checked again, sweating bullets as I hit transfer on a piddly $20. Thankfully this reaction hasn't continued.

Christmas day came and went, and whilst I do think I faked it well, it was always the first thought I had every morning; the last thought every night; and at least half my waking thoughts each day. It consumed me.

Finally, in the second week of January, when were packing up the old house getting ready to move in a few weeks time, I got the call I'd been waiting for. My Dad informed me the money was back in his account.

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If you take anything away from this, I want it to be that you should not try to buy a house at Christmas time; always check the account number at least fourteen times before you give it to someone or hit transfer; and to never, ever, under any circumstances, lend me money.